Only the Lonely

I'm a consultant. A traveling one. Yeah, so it's kinda like being a traveling salesman in the 1950's. Except I don't drive myself in a big car of shiny chrome on dusty dirt roads or desolate highways around the country-- with coffee cups lining the floor & a tidy briefcase in the passenger seat. Instead, I wait in a crowded line to take my tiny seat on a big blue & orange airplane and fly each week-- with a tiny wristlet purse & my worn laptop bag stuffed with travel receipts & unread mail stowed properly underneath the seat in front of me while flight attendants walk up & down the aisles to make sure all electronic devices are powered completely down and properly stowed away for takeoff.

And it gets lonely.

Don't get me wrong! I love my job! I get to experience the ultimate thrill of independence! It's like being on vacation, yet I get to live & work in a new place with each job. I get the excitement of exploring a new city and experiencing the beauty & wonder of a place away from home. Pretty cool, huh?

It is. But it also gets pretty lonely.

In an attempt to fight the lonlies while I'm away, I sometimes find myself making conversation with random strangers...while I'm waiting in line at the airport restroom, waiting to board the light rail, waiting for my lunch at the cafeteria, waiting at the Safeway checkstand to bring home my bachelorette-like groceries for the week. And I don't find much success with these attempts. I miss my family and my conversations with them. It's just not the same.

Lonely.

And when I come home...my family moves on during the week. They've done their thing, had their experiences, and shared it all with me via short text messages or a quick call after dinner.

But nothing can compare to being home and sharing these experiences together, in person, at the dinner table, holding hands on an evening walk along the greenbelt every night as we watch the moon rise from its slumber and the sound of crickets & the twinkling of fireflies fill the night.

It's the same with my friends...they do their thing. We share on Facebook. We sometimes talk on the phone. But when I eventually see them, I sense the disconnect. We haven't shared our laughs & tears together, sat at the cafe, or sipped coffee, or talked over a beer in the backyard on a warm Sunday afternoon and the tasty smells of BBQ fill the air.

I am a ghost simply passing through.

I must give credit to my family for making every effort in making me feel loved and cared for on the weekends. But, alas, it's only healthy that we have our separate lives and interests even when I'm home on the weekends, too. But it's hard for me at times.

So, what do I do about this lonely bug?

I don't know.

But what I do know is that I need to appreciate every moment I have with the people I love. Cherish every word spoken when we're together. Savor their very presence and the air we breathe together. Relish every hug. Burn every moment into my memory...

And pack those memories into my ragged, overstuffed laptop bag as I board the 757 every week. And unpack those memories every Monday night and hang them on the walls in my mind. And visit those memories throughout my week as I walk along Broadway lined with trendy coffee shops & quaint eateries where people sit outside & share their lives together...

And fill my soul with those memories and know that I'll be home soon. And I'll have more precious memory cargo to pack with me for next week.

Until then...

I'll take all I can get in the now. In the moments I have with those whom I love dearly.