How 'Bout Some Randomness?

Top 10 Random Thoughts/Questions/Pondering Moments That Popped Into My Head This Week:

10.  Is it only me...or does anyone else out there only use the toilet seat covers when someone is in the next stall out of fear of being perceived as unclean?

And when alone, simply stare at the glaring toilet seat cover dispenser only to pass it up out of sheer laziness?







9.  How come it's OK for companies/governments/corporations, etc to be late in paying someone... but for the rest of us it's soooo not?


8.  Why are some ceilings sparkly?        

      
7.  When was the moment when I decided that I could not live without Facebook?

6.   How do I know if a decision made is really the RIGHT one? I mean, REALLY the right decision.

5.  What would happen if the world had a big blackout...and it lasted for 24 hours?

Would everyone's data be lost?

Could we have 'do overs' at that point?








4.  Why do I think out loud (therefore REALLY confusing others) while  other people have the amazing ability to process internally BEFORE they open their mouths?

3.  Why did the caged bird sing?

2.  Why do deep rooted personal demons keep haunting me well into my adulthood?

1.  Why do 'Good Morning' texts make me feel so good?

:)

1.1   Why, oh why, am I so fascinated with toilet seat covers? :D

"Home" ...And now for something different...

So, I don't typically write poetry. In fact, I find poetry writing extremely difficult. However, once in a blue moon something will inspire me and away I write in verse. 


This poem I wrote last year after a long move across the country. And even though circumstances have changed in my life - I am in a different part of the country, I am single again, and I collect frequent flyer miles rather than drive...the yearning for HOME ever persists in my days. 


More so now than ever.     ...I miss you LD. I can't wait to go home. 


Enjoy. 

I drive along the 787

The crimson sea of tail lights lead the way outside the city

The dark winter sky is the canvas

The cold concrete overpass looms in the foreground

The longing in my heart paints the night

I want to go home.

 

Cars dart in and out

Everyone in a rush to reach their final destination

I watch them pass in a frenzy

I grow numb and my thoughts of you are the beacon before me

I'm carried along without a captain's navigation

I want to go home.

 

I see the landmarks I now know all so well, no longer novel

You passed a joke, it was a lifetime ago

I am alone in a world of unfamiliar faces

Cold and unforgiving of my pain

They all have their lives, their hearth, their love

I want to go home.

 

You filled my world with light

You slept in my bed, made it warm

A mere three days felt like a thousand

I felt the sun kissed warmth of the white sand on my bare feet

I felt the cool blades of grass tickle between my toes

I want to go home.

 

You live your life and play your shows with the band

The miles between us bear down- my spirit haunted

Your love is the deluge that has penetrated my heart

The memory of your touch lingers as though a ghost

I want to go home. 

 

I live for the day I'll see your sweet face again

Your gaze pierces my steely heart

You held the key that unlocked the door for me to a world of which I knew not

Of yearning and affinity and hope

Of desire and family and security and love

You are my home.

 

I want to go home.

"Fight or Flight" ... I'll take Flight, Please.

So this week has been a tough one.

First, it started out with two of my dearest friends calling it quits (for now) after being married for almost 2 decades.

Wow.

He's flying. She wants to stay and fight for their marriage.

But I can totally understand how much easier it is for him to fly.

Then.... By Tuesday I found myself saying 'yes' to a new living situation while I travel away from home. I now have an apartment and a roommate.

But.... I'm still traveling light so that I can 'cut and run.'

I want to fly if I have to. 

By midweek, I found myself in conversation with a coworker about how I enjoy my career as a consultant. I get to work on project start ups, do my 'thang' and dash off to the next new and exciting project.

I get to run away for a living.







Now at the end of the week, I think back to the conversation I had on Sunday with my recent ex boyfriend about my departure. He said he would have even supported my decision on leaving because he could understand it, but instead I chose to run without word or warning...and that he did not understand.

I didn't talk things over with him or even give him warning...


I simply ran.






So now, I 'm thinking about ALL of the running I have done in my life. Let's see...

1. I ran away from home at 17
...to college, so not the typical running away. I didn't tell my mother that I had been accepted and already paid for my fall tuition at UT. 

2. I ran away from my first love and his proposal of marriage.
I didn't even tell him...I made him suffer and cry and beg me all while I coldly shut him out. I didn't even know why at the time. I still don't. It just felt right to run.

3. I ran away from my marriage --rightfully so.
I fought for over a year while he battled alcoholism. But then I ran without telling him where I was going.

4. I ran away from my daughter's Dad.
We were going through a rough patch thanks to finances. He said it was over and I took that as my chance to run...which I did at that very moment. No working through it. No time to cool off and make up for words that slipped out in anger. I ran. 

5. I ran from a healthy relationship after almost a year of dating.
No word. No warning. I moved 2500 miles away and didn't tell him I had left. I mean, he knew I was moving for a job eventually...but he didn't know that I actually had. 

Why does it feel so much safer to run away?

What is it in us that chooses to stay and fight through things and how come some of us just cannot seem to put up a good fight?

Why run from the things that might even be good ? Such as a healthy relationship or even the NOTION of a healthy and lasting relationship?

Why is it easy not to think about the pain that find those lying in the wake?

I suppose, I'll have to dig a little deeper. But, boy are my running shoes worn thin.

I think I'll rest my tired feet now.

...Till it's time to run again.