"Fight or Flight" ... I'll take Flight, Please.

So this week has been a tough one.

First, it started out with two of my dearest friends calling it quits (for now) after being married for almost 2 decades.

Wow.

He's flying. She wants to stay and fight for their marriage.

But I can totally understand how much easier it is for him to fly.

Then.... By Tuesday I found myself saying 'yes' to a new living situation while I travel away from home. I now have an apartment and a roommate.

But.... I'm still traveling light so that I can 'cut and run.'

I want to fly if I have to. 

By midweek, I found myself in conversation with a coworker about how I enjoy my career as a consultant. I get to work on project start ups, do my 'thang' and dash off to the next new and exciting project.

I get to run away for a living.







Now at the end of the week, I think back to the conversation I had on Sunday with my recent ex boyfriend about my departure. He said he would have even supported my decision on leaving because he could understand it, but instead I chose to run without word or warning...and that he did not understand.

I didn't talk things over with him or even give him warning...


I simply ran.






So now, I 'm thinking about ALL of the running I have done in my life. Let's see...

1. I ran away from home at 17
...to college, so not the typical running away. I didn't tell my mother that I had been accepted and already paid for my fall tuition at UT. 

2. I ran away from my first love and his proposal of marriage.
I didn't even tell him...I made him suffer and cry and beg me all while I coldly shut him out. I didn't even know why at the time. I still don't. It just felt right to run.

3. I ran away from my marriage --rightfully so.
I fought for over a year while he battled alcoholism. But then I ran without telling him where I was going.

4. I ran away from my daughter's Dad.
We were going through a rough patch thanks to finances. He said it was over and I took that as my chance to run...which I did at that very moment. No working through it. No time to cool off and make up for words that slipped out in anger. I ran. 

5. I ran from a healthy relationship after almost a year of dating.
No word. No warning. I moved 2500 miles away and didn't tell him I had left. I mean, he knew I was moving for a job eventually...but he didn't know that I actually had. 

Why does it feel so much safer to run away?

What is it in us that chooses to stay and fight through things and how come some of us just cannot seem to put up a good fight?

Why run from the things that might even be good ? Such as a healthy relationship or even the NOTION of a healthy and lasting relationship?

Why is it easy not to think about the pain that find those lying in the wake?

I suppose, I'll have to dig a little deeper. But, boy are my running shoes worn thin.

I think I'll rest my tired feet now.

...Till it's time to run again.