I think it was when
I hit the 'old' age of 40 that I finally realized something pretty significant.
Something pretty great. Something that I wish I had only known at a younger
age…
Dare to be uniquely
YOU!
Of course, that
sounds cliché. I can even see the inspirational graphic that would go
wonderfully with that line. Maybe a rainbow and a unicorn…or a cat making a
silly face. Something cliché.
But it's so true.
When I was in
elementary school I felt like I had to measure up to someone else. Whether it
was measuring up to the smart girls in the class. Or the girls with the purple
Jordache backpacks. Or the kids who wore the 'Roos' …
When I was in high
school I still felt like I had to measure up. Whether it was ensuring I
graduated with honors. Or I carried an acid washed backpack. Or was skinny
enough at my then 98 lbs. Or picking the 'right' college.
Or or or
Though there was
something inside me that knew I needed to be uniquely me. It's why I didn't
wear big 80's hair or why I openly listened to Rush and Metallica (despite the
fact my mother dressed me in a constant array of pink until I was 18).
Once I got into
college I learned more about my own likes, dislikes, and did not pay a whole
lot of mind to the fashion trends or what other girls were wearing or doing. I
stopped trying to measure myself against others.
And it was
liberating.
So in the 90s I wore
faded flannel shirts from the thrift store (cuz they were affordable and
comfy). I cut my hair in a short pixie (cuz it made me feel feminine and
strong). I wasn't trying to stay skinny just because my friends were. And I
wasn't out to get my 'Mrs.' as others girls in school (yes…a girl once told me
flat out she was in college to get her 'Mrs.' which after a long conversation I
found out that meant she was in college to find a husband). I ditched my
pharmacy path and studied music - because it was something I loved despite the
fact that it was viewed by many as a 'path to nowhere.'
Later once I became
a mother a new flood of comparisons rose… Other mothers were asking me if my
daughter did this or that. Was I going to stop working. Was I going to take up
knitting. Was I going to wear mom jeans like the other moms I knew.
Then as a
professional I was hit with another deluge of the need to measure up. Were my
clothes professional enough. Should I carry a Coach bag like the other women
(oh I have an entire post about the 'Coach' myth and why I don't subscribe to
'affordable luxury' - more on that later).
I remember looking
at fashion magazines coveting the looks of the models. I watched TV shows where
I felt "Oh, maybe I should wear this or look like that as a female
professional."
Then I was blessed
with reaching the zen of 40.
And actually, I
think my blessing came sooner than my age… I dated someone who REALLY REALLY
cared about what others thought of him. He cared about trends. In his 50's he
shopped the Gap and Volcom. He told me flat out he wanted to look like a
'hipster.' Then one day, after he admonished me for something I was wearing -
he asked me "Why don't you just try to fit in!?"
I looked at
him, and said…"Why would I want to
simply fit in.? Why would I want to be
like anyone else? I am me and that's all I need to be."
I then told him what
a beautiful freedom it was not to give a fuck about what others thought of me
or how they saw me.
A beautiful freedom.
You've seen that
internet quote, right? The one that says,
"A wise woman
once said, "Fuck this shit" and she lived happily ever after."
Yep. That quote
thingy is spot on.
Let me elaborate on
that quote, though… that wise woman? You know what shit she's talking about?
That pile which says that we as women need to measure up to each other. Or
compete with one another. And you know why the wise woman lived happily ever
after? Yep. She stopped worrying about that shit.
That wise woman
stopped caring about what others thought of her, how they perceived her, and
focused on what she wanted for herself. That wise woman did things that made
herself happy. She put out beauty in the world through her actions, her words,
her compassion, her unique light that made her stand out from the ordinary.
And if there's
anything I'd go back in time and tell my younger self…it would be to be like
that wise woman. I'd tell my younger self to let go of the standards that I
held so strongly for myself - and the ones that society told me I should care
about.
I'd tell my younger
self to focus on all of the good stuff out there in the world and in others,
rather than competing.
And I tell all women
the same.
By allowing yourself
the freedom to be YOU…unabashedly, unapologetically, bold, brave, daring,
uniquely YOU… you give yourself the freedom to care about the important things
in life (the REALLY important ones) You give yourself the gift of letting the world experience you in true
form - special and beautiful and rare. And the world deserves your shine.
There's only one
you.
Love yourself, measure yourself to no one, and leave your special mark
in this world.
And you'll live
happily ever after.
Hear! Hear! Totally the right move. I tell Stuart 'I am just too old for this shit'. I do my own. Makeup, no makeup, flat shoes, bright colors. There are far more important things to worry about: school, neighbors welfare, family, and mostly MY relationship with myself and my husband. THE most important two things in my life. Bother to anyone else. Don't like me? Don't talk to me. Don't like how I look or dress? Look away. It's my life and I deem what is important, to ME. Yay for you for realizing this early in your life. You are beautiful, important, wonderful. You give something special each day by believing in you, doing what you know is right. You give light to this place we all call home.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Wendy! I've always admired your beautiful spirit and unique way about you. I truly believe that it is the women in my life who've I've been fortunate enough to call 'friends' (like you) who have positively influenced me over the years. Thank you! I'm so glad you're YOU!! :)
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